Okay y’all, all I’ve done lately is moan and groan about how miserable I am. I know that I sort of deserve to feel this way, considering what I’m going through, but nobody likes a Debbie Downer, so it’s time to turn that frown upside down!
I thought for a change of pace, I would make you laugh by sharing a little story called “The Case of the Missing Loogie.”
This story takes place a few weeks ago. It is lunch time. I am seated at a table with seven of my peers. We have enjoyed our lunch, plates have been cleared, and we are all just chatting away. Suddenly, I have to sneeze. In an effort to be discreet, as well as prevent the spread of germs, I place my arm over my mouth.
When I sneezed, I totally felt a loogie fly out of my mouth. (chronic strep throat and tonsillitis, you know how it is…) Thank God I had my arm over my mouth to cover my sneeze! But now what do I do? I sit there with my arm still across my face, contemplating my next move.
Very slowly, I extricate my arm from my face, discreetly wiping it over my mouth at the same time, just in case. Keeping my arm bent to hide the loogie, I place my elbow on the table. I smile and nod at everyone at the table, but inside I am panicking. How am I supposed to get rid of the loogie without anyone seeing? Conversation has proceeded, and everyone at the table seems none the wiser about the glob of mucus I am trying my best to hide.
I need to assess the situation, find out what we’re dealing with here. I s-l-o-w-l-y unbend my elbow, making sure no one else who may be looking will see anything before I do. Open, open more, more, more, more…
I am now looking at my completely outstretched loogie-less arm. What the…? OMG, what happened to the loogie? My heart is racing. I’m fairly certain it’s not splattered across my face. I would have felt that, right? Conversation proceeds around me, blissfully clueless of my situation, but at this moment, it feels like all eyes in the room are locked on me.
I summon the courage to look around the table, to see if it shot out and hit an innocent bystander. Everyone’s face seems loogie-free. Then… I look down. There in front of me, where my plate had been only moments before, is my loogie, vividly displayed against the black tablecloth!
As I was taking such pains to carefully wipe my face and keep my arm bent in order to hide the evidence, the loogie was sitting right there on the table in front of me, for all to see!!! So, I took my napkin, wiped it up, and immediately got up from the table and ran away. I have no idea if anyone noticed it. If they did, they were tremendously polite to look the other way until I made the discovery myself.
It totally reminds me of the “Everybody Loves Mary” scene. You know the scene. With the hair gel. Would have been awesome if I’d looked over and seen one of my dining companions sporting this ‘do.
Got any similarly embarrassing stories to share? If you saw someone spit a loogie out onto the table (when they had clearly tried SO HARD not to!), would you tell them? Or just look the other way?