Usually I am not a fan of serious pain medication. When I had shoulder surgery six-ish years ago, I always took the minimum pain medication, just enough to take the edge off. One time I took two pills, and I felt so dizzy and hated it. I sat on the couch for two hours just wishing for it to stop.
That was then, this is now.
I have a little system in place to make sure that I don’t miss any medication doseages. My doctor said whatever I do, I need to make sure I don’t miss a dose of pain medication. If I do, it will feel like my throat is swelling up and I will probably have more panic attacks. So what I’ve been doing is setting alarms with my iphone. Each time I take a medicine, I reset the alarm for 4-6 hours later. Also, I took one of my eleventy hundred half-used spiral notebooks and made it into a medication journal. Each time I take a dose, I wrote it down in the notebook. So between the notebook telling me what I have already taken, and the alarms telling me what I take next, I feel pretty well covered.
So, this morning at 8:30, my throat was hurting pretty bad, so I grabbed my iphone to see when the next dose was. Gasp! I hadn’t reset my alarm! The iphone still said my next dose was at 6:20 in the morning. I ran over to my spiral notebook to see if I had taken the 6:20 dose, and guess what… nothing. I hadn’t written it down. I remember my alarm going off at 6:20, and I remember getting up, but had no memory of actually taking my medicine. Immediately, my throat started closing up on me, and I felt like I was suffocating. Suddenly every swallow felt like razor blades. It was probably psychosomatic, but it felt very real.
I called the on-call doctor who said I should take another dose, that taking an extra dose just one time wouldn’t hurt me. So I did, and within 20 minutes, the pain had subsided. But I was trying to type on the computer and my fingers felt like Idaho potatoes. My tongue feels too big for my mouth. Everything is spinning. That’s when I realized I had definitely taken a double-dose of medicine. The memory of my 6:20 dose came back to me. I’d had a bowl of applesauce and contemplated actually making breakfast, but decided against it and went back to bed.
Usually I hate this feeling. Usually I prefer pain over the feeling of dizziness and loss of self control. But not now. Right now I am just so thankful to not be suffocating. So I sit here on the couch, the world spinning around me. My mind is mush and my feet feel like Jello. I’d love to take a shower but I’m afraid I will melt. This must be what it feels like to do recreational drugs.
I think I will sit here and enjoy this for a little longer, until it wears off and the razor blade feeling returns.