Pain in the Neck

I broke my neck yesterday.  “That sounds serious”, you exclaim.  “Tell me more!”  Okay, so I didn’t really break it, but I jacked it up and it hurts like a m****** f******.   You see, I’m an obsessive joint cracker.  Yesterday, I was in the shower and cracked my neck.

I immediately wished I could click CTRL+Z on life.  It hurt so bad I thought I was going to die.  But my impending death aside, the real clue that something had gone dreadfully wrong was that I could no longer tilt my head to the left.  
I hate being hurt, because it’s always the result of something incredibly dumb or clumsy that I did.  Take for instance “The Broken Toe Incident of November 2008”.  We had recently moved into our new home, and the washing machine drained into the utility sink.  Well one day, I started a load of laundry and forgot that I was soaking something in the sink.  So, when the washer drained, the water filled the sink, overflowed, and poured all over the floor.  When I went in to switch laundry over and found my mud room an inch deep in water, I completely lost it.  I needed to kick something, and I needed to kick something hard.  I grabbed the door to the garage in my hand, held it steady, and kicked it with all my might.
Not being an experienced door kicker, I neglected to consider two very important factors.  First, the door was steel.  Second, I was not wearing shoes.  So not only did I kick a steel door with bare feet, but I held it steady, so there was absolutely no give.  How much did that hurt?  Here is a little visual for you. Let’s see if you can solve this riddle:

I remember at that moment thinking I had done permanent damage to my foot.  I remember wondering how important a big toe really was, and if I would no longer be able to walk straight.  Two years later, I still can’t bend my toe, and it hurts after a long day on my feet.  Right now I am wondering if I will ever have mobility of my head again.  What will life be like if I can never look to my left?  I’ll only be able to see things on the right.   I’ll only be able to talk to people on my right side.  I’ll only be able to watch half of the game.  I will only be able to vote Republican.
I’m worried, tired, and in pain.  I need to be cheered up.  Please make me feel better by sharing the dumbest way you have ever injured yourself.

This entry was posted in laugh. Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Pain in the Neck

  1. Cherry Lane says:

    Why does your pain give my such joy? I don't mean to be mean, but I haven't laughed so much in quite a while. So, thanks for your pain. It might not have cheered you up, but it did me.

  2. Cherry Lane says:

    Hey, you added pictures! Even better! I've successfully blocked most of my stupid injuries from memory.

  3. Mike says:

    Yours is a poignant cautionary tail to neck crackers everywhere.

  4. littleotter73 says:

    I also tend to hurt myself in extraordinary ways. I feel for your big toe, I dropped a length of ironwood on my foot breaking down a workbench for a former employer back during college. It was my first day on the job. I worked through the pain and later decided from the color of my foot that I must've broken it. Being young, stupid, and working for a friend of my boyfriend (now hubby), I didn't want to disappoint, so I continued working that summer on manual labor projects, organizing, and cataloging their library. When it came time to bring down the books from their attic and arrange them on the shelves in their new library/refurbished basement, I couldn't get the boxes down by myself because they were heavy, the attic entrance was one of those pull down ladders, and my foot was still broken. I didn't have help because they were on vacation. When my employer/friend returned from vacation and the books weren't on the shelves, I got a royal a$$ chewing. So much for every good deed going unpunished. Oh, and it took about two and a half years before my foot finally healed.

  5. Annalivia says:

    All you should need to do to feel better is remember the last 7 years of knowing me.

  6. Shan says:

    I have also hurt my neck in the shower. I had to spend the next three days flat on my back. Youch!The dumbest way I ever hurt myself? Hard to choose. Could be the whole "let's try and find the cute guy who hid in the cellar by opening the door in the middle just as he jumps out… oh look, I'm rolling down cement stairs" that got me a couple of black eyes in sixth grade. (And dude, I'm from California… why did my neighbor have a cellar to begin with?) No? Maybe it was the "I'm gettin' that damn basketball if it's the last thing I do… hey!… I got the ball, but why am I taking down a five year old to get it?!?" that got me one supersized hematoma on my left knee (I did protect him and took all of our combined weight on one knee). Oh, *I* know, it was the time I dreamt I saw a blue shadow man going into my son's room. So I leapt from the left side of my bed with my right leg (and yes, I'd been laying on my back), leaving my left leg behind because it my big toe(!!) was tangled in the freaking bedding. I somehow landed on both knees. Oh, and my bed is one of those extra high jobbies where the top of the mattress comes to my hip. I'm 5' 7". *That* was not a fun way to wake up. But I was ready to kick some serious blue shadow man ass!Love your blog! Dropping in from the blogs post on BabyCenter.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s